Yugi Spit
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: **CH. 5 UP!! Yugi's boke and is collecting spit to uphold his hair (too poor to buy gel). Kaiba hides his diary from shifty eyes as Yami is hooked up to an IV of koolaid. Yugi finally restyles his hair as the devil incarnate know as...
1. Starting the journey

This installment is actually a part of a single, long as chapter, which I didn't put up all at once because that would probably kill the reader. Yeah, I hope you like the fic, and I don't own anything. 

Yugi, Anzu, Jounouchi, and Honda were hanging out in the card shop, as usual, talking about this and that when lil' Mokuba came running into the room.

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Mokuba: Guy's! It's awful!

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Honda: What happened Mokuba?!

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Yugi: Did Kaiba get stuck in some alternate dimension again?!

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Mokuba: No, it's even worse! Seto's stuck in a tree!

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Anzu: Eegad! We must help him!

The group then goes out, gets. Kaiba out of the tree, and all's peachy. The next day...

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Mokuba: Guy's! It's awful!

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Honda: What happened Mokuba?!

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Yugi: Did Kaiba get stuck in some tree again?!

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Mokuba: No, it's even worse! Seto's stuck in a well!

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Anzu: Eegad! We must help him!

They save him again. Next day...

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Mokuba: Guy's! It's awful!

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Honda: What happened Mokuba?!

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Yugi: Did Kaiba get stuck in some well again?!

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Mokuba: No, it's even worse! Seto's stuck in a trash can!

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Anzu: Eegad! We must help him!

Save him again. Next day.

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Mokuba: Guy's! It's awful!

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Honda: What happened Mokuba?!

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Yugi: Did Kaiba get stuck in some trash can again?!

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Mokuba: No, it's even worse! Seto's stuck in a refridgerator box!

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Anzu: Eegad! We must help him!

Save him again. Next day.

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Mokuba: Guy's! It's awful!

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Everybody else: *just glares at him*

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Mokuba: .... 

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Honda: He's stuck in something again... isn't he...

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Mokuba: Er.. yah, sorry bout that.

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Yugi: *sigh* What is it this time?

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Mokuba: His foot got stuck to a gum wad in the middle freeway.

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Anzu: Why was he walking in the middle of the free way?

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Mokuba: *shrugs* I dunno.

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Jounouchi: Could we just leave him there? My tummy's burbling and I want food!

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Mokuba: Okay!

Instead of saving Kaiba again, they did what any normal people would do.... make pizza out of news papers and shoe laces (they're on a tight budget ^_^). 

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Honda: Ah man that was good!

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Jounouchi: I haven't had anything that nummy since Yugi's 'cardboard taco' night!

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Yugi: *humbly* Well, I do try.

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Anzu: What did you think of it Mokuba? I bet that none of your fancy chefs would have been able to out do Yugi's cooking!

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Mokuba: My tummy hurts!!! I think I'm gonna die!

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Everybody else: ???

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Yugi: Oh! it's time for morning cartoons! *turns on TV*

News Broadcast guy: Please excuse the interuption of your shows for this special live report. Seto Kaiba was found dead this morning in the middle of the 666 freeway. He had been hit by a school bus at around 7:20 AM, and had been reported to have not even attempted to dodge the locomotive. Removing the corpse had been a trifle difficult due to the fact that his left shoe had been stuck to a wad of gum. 

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Jounouchi: .... I can't believe he didn't take his shoe off.

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Yugi: *turns off TV* Gee, who woulda thought he'd die...

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Mokuba: My big brother's dead... then... that means that... there's no reason... for me... to... go-

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Honda: Okay, stop with the pauses and say your line.

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Mokuba: Can't you see I'm trying to say that I'm gonna commit suicide?!

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Honda: *cheery* Oh, well why didn't you say so? *hands Mokuba a butter knife*

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Mokuba: ... Don't you guys have anything sharper?

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Jounouchi: Oh, I see. Our knives aren't good enough for you, is that it? Well, sorry if we're not rich like you and don't have the luxury of sharp objects! We offer you the best that we have, and what do you do? You treat it like garbage!

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Yugi: Now, now Jou. Calm down.

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Mokuba: Can't I at least just break one of the window's and use the glass shards?

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Yugi: What windows?

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Mokuba: You know.. the windows, like the one right here. *attempts to put hand on window, but it goes right through* ..... Why do you have large holes in your walls that closely resemble windows?

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Yugi: So people can see what's inside the store?

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Anzu: Also, if you feel the wall, you'll find that it's not actually wood, but big sheet of semi solid paper.

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Mokuba: Oh *taps wall* Sure enough.

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Honda: And, if you check out our uniforms, they're not actually cloth, but a bunch leaves held together with snot.

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Yugi: My grandpa saved up for a whole year to buy spray paints so they'd look the right colors. *beams with pride*

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Mokuba: Oh... okay. The butterknife will do. *sawing his wrist with butterknife* 

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Jounouchi: You having a little trouble there?

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Mokuba: Don't distract me, I think I've almost broken through the skin!

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Honda: I've got an even better and faster way to kill yourself!

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Mokuba: Yah, like what?

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Honda: It's simple. Just stand right there. *picks up Yugi* OK, don't move. *stabs Mokuba with Yugi's hair*

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Mokuba: *dies*

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Yugi: Oh no! My hair's all icky. Now I'm gonna have to wash it.

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Anzu: Well, you'd have to wash it someday, right?

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Yugi: Well yah, but I hadn't washed it for a year now so that I wouldn't have to worry about washing the gel out. How am I supposed to get more gel?

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Anzu: Can't you use water?

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Yugi: No, too expensive.

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Jounouchi: I know! We can use spit!

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Honda: We could, but how are we gonna get enough to scour Yugi's big old mob of hair?

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Jounouchi: We could get donations from passersby!

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Yugi: That's a great idea!

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Jounouchi: The only problem now is finding a bowl to gather it all in.

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Honda: Hey, why don't we go to our well-to-do friend Bakura, and see if he has one.

Yugi and the other's then go over to Bakura's place to see if he might offer them a bowl.

I'll put up another section later, depending on the reviews. 


	2. At the archade

Yep, the newest chapter to this story, and it's sad cuz I'm not getting many reviews for it. Still, it's fun for me to write and gives me something to do, so I don't mind.

Bakura: *opens door* Hello?

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Anzu: Hey Bakura! Would you mind giving us a portion of your spit?

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Bakura: E-excuse me?

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Honda: ANZU YOU IDIOT!

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Jounouchi: Don't mind her. We actually came for a bowl, even though a spit donation would be also most acceptable...

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Bakura: I'll get you a bowl and all, but I'd prefer to keep all of my bodily fluids too myself.

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Jounouchi: Fine! Be greedy!

Bakura leaves and then comes back with a bowl.

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Yugi: Thank you sooo much. If you wouldn't mind, though, would you spit in it for me PLEASE?! *big puppy dog eyes*

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Yami Bakura: I am no longer Bakura, but the soul who possesses his body! *turns his head around 180 degrees and barfs*

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Honda: Oh good! That's perfect! Now if you could aim just a bit more towards the bowl, we'd be much obliged.

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Yami Yugi: NO!

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Yugi: What's wrong with you?

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Yami Yugi: Don't you dare put that crap in my hair!

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Yugi: But it's MY hair.

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Yami Yugi: Yah, but we share the same body, so therefore everything that belongs to you also belongs to me!

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Yugi: This sucks.

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Yami Yugi: Get used to it.

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Bakura: Why is Yugi talking to himself?

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Yami Bakura: I didn't give you permission to speak!

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Bakura: I'm sorry.

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Yami Bakura: Shut up!

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Everybody else: *sweatdrop*

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Jounouchi: This is so not fair. Why do Yugi and Bakura get to be possessed and not me?

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Honda: Racism?

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Jounouchi: Probably...

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Yugi: Thank you for contributing your vomit. I never tried dying my hair green before.

Suddenly, Yami Yugi appears from out of nowhere, and stood right next to normal Yugi.

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Yugi: How'd you and me get separated from the same body?

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Yami Yugi: by combining my powers with the will of not having spew get poured on my head, I was able to separate our souls and make us two separate beings. 

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Yugi: Oh.

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Yami Yugi: Bakura, could I borrow some hair gel.

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Bakura: Sure.

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Yami Bakura: You may certainly not!

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Yugi: Actually, I need to borrow your sink. Would that be okay?

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Bakura: Yah.

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Yami Bakura: Fine.

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Yugi: Yay! *runs inside house*

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Yami Yugi: Okay, I won't need the hair gel after all.

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Yami Bakura: Give me your millenium puzzle!

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Yami Yugi: Give me your millnium ring!

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Yami Bakura: ......

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Yami Yugi: ......

Mai comes down the corner in her new car.

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Mai: Hey, guys, I'm going to the mall. Wanna come?

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Everbody but Yugi and Anzu: Okay!

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Anzu: I don't know, guys. Shouldn't we wait for Yugi to finish his hair?

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Jounouchi: Oh come on! That'll take forever.

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Bakura: Hey, spirit, would it be okay if we separated, just for today?

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Yami Bakura: Oh fine.

They separate.

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Bakura: Thank you... er...

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Yami Bakura: Just call me Ryou.

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Bakura: Okay Rio!

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Ryou: Ryou.

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Bakura: That's what I said.

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Ryou: No you didn't. You said Rio, not Ryou.

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Bakura: Let me try again... Ryo?

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Ryou: Ryou.

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Bakura: Riyou?

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Ryou: Ryou! How hard can that be?!

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Bakura: Sorry Ryou...

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Ryou: Good boy.

Anyway, everybody but Anzu and Yugi go to the mall with Mai. The first stop they hit, of course, is the arcade.

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Yami: What are we supposed to do here?

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Jounouchi: Play a video game.

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Ryou: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

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Honda: What's wrong?

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Ryou: *pointing to arcade game* The guy behind the glass moved!

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Yami: No way!

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Honda: Um, it's a video game. It supposed to move.

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Ryou: I'm going to try to make contact with these lifeforms. *to arcade game* Hello, can you hear me? I am Ryou. I look so much bigger than you because I am a God, whom you must bow down to and worship!

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Yami: Yah, and I am a god who you must worship, too.

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Ryou: No, I was their god way before you were their god. They only worship me!

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Yami: Can I be vice-god?

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Ryou: .... fine. *to archade game* This is vice-god Yami. You are to worship him for 1 minute a day. For the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of your miserable lives, you are to spend time paying me homage.

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Mai: Why are you two talking to a video game?

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Yami: So that we can have followers who will do our bidding.

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Mai: You do realize that the characters aren't even real and can't hear you, right?

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Ryou: YOU SPEAK LIES!!!

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Yami: You want the people behind the glass all to yourself!

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Mai: Nah, seriously.

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Honda: Hey, Rio! Want to do the dance machine thing? Bet I'll beat you so bad your grandkiddies will be feeling it!

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Ryou: My name is Ryou, and no, I don't want to dance. I want to take over the world.

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Yami: I'll play your game, Honda, but if I win, you must do everything I tell you for the rest of your life.

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Honda: I don't want to play against you. I want to play against Ryou.

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Yami: *crushed* Oh...

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Ryou: *screaming at video game* HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME, YOUR GOD!!! I WILL PUT A POX ON THEE, OH HORRID WRETCHES!! NAN BAN THAI KIYOU COM KOUBA!!!

(A/N: If whatever his curse is translates into another language as totally offensive, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing.)

Just then, the video game blows up.

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Jounouchi: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

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Ryou: Putting an end to their ignorant lives.

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Honda: Reo. Dance. Now.

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Ryou: Ryou. Shut. Up.

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Honda: Hey, don't steal my sentence structure!

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Ryou: I'm a thief. I'm supposed to steal stuff.

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Honda: DANCE WITH ME!!!

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Ryou: Why?

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Honda: Because I want to shake my groove thang! *does disco pose*

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Ryou: That's the most disturbing thing I've ever seen.

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Mai: Okay, we've been here enough. Let's go shopping for clothes!

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Honda: B-but-

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Ryou: Good. Bring me to your rooms of clothes full of people. I will display my awesome powers and all will bow before me!

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Yami: Me too!

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Ryou: *grumble* ...fine... *grumble*

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Jounouchi: *whine* I don't want to shop for clothes! I wanna go home!

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Mai: What if I told you that the shop we're going to is Victoria Secrets?

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Jounouchi: *giddy* Well what are we waiting for? Let's go shopping!

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Honda: sniff I didn't get to dance...

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Ryou: Oh shut up.

Yeah, next chapter gets even more random and weird. Shopping, dirty adult stores, and druggies… nuff said. Till then though, review.


	3. Over yonder macys

They then went to a shop.

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Yami: Why are we at Macy's?

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Jounouchi: This so isn't Victoria's Secret.

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Mai: No, you're joking.

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Honda: Oh, the dresses are so pretty.

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Ryou: *to lady at perfume counter* No, I don't want to try your perfume samples. What I want is you to start groveling at my feet.

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Yami: Oh no! At this rate, he'll get more followers than me!

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Jounouchi: What's going on?

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Yami: Jou, do you worship the ground I walk on?

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Jounouchi: Um... sure, why not? What have I got to lose, eh?

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Yami: YES!!! *to Ryou* IN YOUR FACE!!!

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Ryou: That's so not cool. *to perfume lady* Ick! Keep that pem pem away from me!

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Mai: Pem pem?

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Ryou: .... perfume... *mutter*

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Honda: Hey, Jou, you okay? You lookin kinda funny.

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Jounouchi: I am no longer only Jou, but I am Mokuba as well!

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Honda: Okay, people, who gave Jou a syringe?

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Yami: Oh, I may have absent mindedly handed him one earlier. Why?

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Honda: Ah crap. Now we've got a drugged up Mokuba wanna be running rampant in Macy's.

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Jounouchi: No, no, no. Let me put this in words you can understand. I am Jou, but my body is being infested by the soul of Mokuba.

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Honda: ... You shot up real good, didn't ya?

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Jounouchi: Okay, I'll put this in even simpler words, and if you don't understand this, then you obviously lack a brain. I AM POSSESSED BY MOKUBA!!!

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Honda: Wha???

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Jounouchi: Grrr... you're so stupid!

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Honda: *in funky voice* Mokuba, is that you?

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Jounouchi: *high pitched voice* Big Brother!!

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Mai: Don't tell me, Kaiba and Mokuba possessed Jounouchi and Honda.

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Yami: Sure does seem that way.

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Ryou: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Yami: No, it can't be!

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Ryou: Oh, yes it is! I too have a follower!

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Shoe clerk: Hail Lord Rio!

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Ryou: For pronouncing my name wrong, you will not eat for a week.

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Shoe clerk: .......

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Honda: Yugi, you must duel with me! *hand gets stuck between two cabinets* Ah crap, not again!

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Jounouchi: Big brother, you should be more careful. Should I go for help?

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Honda: Oh, go for help? That's what you said you'd do last time, but instead you left me for dead! Do you know what it's like, being hit by a school bus, and the last thing you see in your final moments of life are the little nerdy brats with their pocket protectors and their fingers crammed up their noses?! DO YOU?! 

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Jounouchi: Atleast you didn't get stabbed with hair!

Speaking of which, let's go to Yugi, and see how his jell less existance has been.

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Yugi: *writing on a big poster board* Almost... ah, done!

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Anzu: Are you sure that it'll work?

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Yugi: Sure! I've invited everybody in the world to spit at me! Rich people love to spit at poor people, so I don't think that there's any place where this plan could go wrong.

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Anzu: Okay....

On street corner.

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Keith: *reading sign* 'Will work for spit'... My, the king of games has reached all new heights of greatness.

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Yugi: Please help me! In order to uphold my multi colored locks, I must have some type of substanse to hold them up. It just so happens that spits real cheap.

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Keith: Well then, anything for a noble cause. *hocks a big loogie into the bowl*

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Yugi: Thankie kindly!

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Anzu: Ew, that's gross! I think I'm going to puke.

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Yugi: In the bowl please.

Back at the mall.

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Bakura: Could we go to Bath and Body Works? Please?!

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Ryou: What are you, a woman?

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Bakura: No. I'm just a very sensitive soul.

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Jounouchi: Yay! I love that store!

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Honda: No, Mokuba! Run from the path of horrid girly wiles and come back to the light of manliness!

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Jounouchi: *the real Jou* I don't wanna be possessed anymore! It sucks!

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Mokuba Jou: Well I don't wanna be dead anymore, but I am, so shut up!

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Jounouchi: You were the one who wanted to commit suicide!

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Mokuba Jou: Yah, well you said earlier that you wanted to be possessed!

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Jounouchi: Could we just separate like Bakura and .... what's his name did?

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Ryou: *begins to mutter many profanities under his breath*

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Mokuba Jou: Okay.

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Kaiba Honda: I think I will, too. This guy's too ugly to host my sexy soul!

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Honda: Hey! I'll have you know that the cafeteria ladies find me to be way sexy!

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Kaiba Honda: .....

The souls separate from their hosts.

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Mokuba: I'm normal again!

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Kaiba: And I stuck in stuff again... ARGH!

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Mokuba: ... Your coat's stuck in a door...

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Kaiba: Yah, and somebody locked the door.

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Ryou: Bow before me and sell me your soul! Then I'll free you from your wretched bondage.

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Jounouchi: If I were you, I'd just take off the jacket.

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Kaiba: It's a trenchcoat, and no, I will not take it off for it is mine, and I will not abandon my possessions... I'm not selling my soul, either.

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Ryou: Fine, you can just be stuck in a mall door for all eternity.

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Kaiba: Shut up, you kaka poopoo!

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Honda: I can get him out! *rips trenchcoat out of door* All better!

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Kaiba: !!! YOU RUINED MY TRENCHCOAT!!! *looks at the now frayed ends in horror*

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Honda: Oh just put on some wax and it'll be good as new.

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Kaiba: What do you think it is, a car?

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Honda: *nods happily*

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Bakura: *hyperventalating* Bath and Body Works. Now. Please. Please! PLEASE!!!

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Mai: See, I'm glad that at least one of you has the heart of a true shopper.

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Bakura: Yes, for this journey through glass tinted doors has been marred into my soul, for as long as a chair is still a chair, I will forever be-

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Kaiba: A fem. Let's get it over with.

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Bakura: That wasn't very nice.

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Kaiba: Shut up.

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Bakura: *pout*

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Mokuba: Big brother, stop being mean!

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Kaiba: I'll give you a candy bar if you kick him in the shin!

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Mokuba: Okay! *kicks Bakura*

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Bakura: I'm so unloved.

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Ryou: *evily* How does it feel to be hated and not have your many fangirls running to your aid?

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Bakura: It hurts... It really hurts... *clings onto Ryou and starts bawling*

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Yami: Oh my goodness! You've hurt poor innocent Bakura!

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Ryou: No I didn't. I just said stuff in a dark, evil manner.

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Yami: Oh... *smacks Bakura across the face* Stop whining!

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Bakura: *sits down and puts his head to his knees, crying*

At this time, many fangirls begin to reach at their monitors with agony, feeling very hurt and sorry for the cute lil' bugger.

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Honda: Oh, doesn't the body works shop have all of those nifty fruit sprays?

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Jounouchi: Oh yah! Those things are so cool! They smell like a field full of wild flowers.

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Honda: With a hint of lemon.

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Jounouchi and Honda: *begin to giggle like school girls*

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Yami: I've never seen such a liquid that produces such manifestations of odors.

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Ryou: They smell like pez.

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Yami: I have a pez dispenser. *smile* It has Fred Flinstone on top!

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Ryou: Yah, well mine has Dino so it's cooler!

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Yami: Nuh uh!

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Ryou: Yuh huh!

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Kaiba: Will you two shut up?

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Yami: Yes.

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Ryou: No.

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Yami: Maybe.

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Ryou: I don't know.

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Yami: Can you repeat the question?

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Yami and Ryou: *singing* You're not the boss of me, no. You're not the boss of me, no. You're not the boss of me, no. And you're not so big!

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Kaiba: ... That's just a tad disturbing. Just thought you should know.

They finally make it to Bath and Body Works.

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Mai: Oh good, now I can finally get that lotion I wanted.

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Jounouchi: Wait a second.

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Honda: You have money!

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Jounouchi and Honda: !!!! *jump Mai and steal her money*

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Ryou: .... Kaiba's rich, so he must have bundles of cash, too... GET THE RICH BOY!!!

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Kaiba: *sweat drop*

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Yami: GEEYAAAHH!!! *jumps on Kaiba and bites him in the knee cap*

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Kaiba: OWIE!

By this time, Honda, Jounouchi, and Ryou have also tackled Kaiba and were ripping through his clothes for his wallet.

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Bakura: Stop this! Such violence is unnecissary!

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Honda: Wel, yah but-

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Ryou: It sure is fun!

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Mokuba: Oh no! Let go of my big brother!

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Yami: You know... maybe we shouldn't display such acts of violence in front of little children.

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Jounouchi: Hey, if they can display lions and hyenas ripping eachother up on the dicovery channel, then we can't exactley consider this harmful to viewers, now can we?

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Yami: Yah, true.

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Mokuba: Please stop! If you kill him, then how can I read his new diary entries?

The fighting immediatley stops and all eyes turn to Mokuba.

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Kaiba: You've been reading my journal?!

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Mokuba: I have to do something in my spare time.

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Kaiba: Then... you know, don't you....

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Mokuba: Yep.

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Jounouchi: *bouncing up and down* Know what, KNOW WHAT?!

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Kaiba: That's none of your concern.

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Mokuba: Yah, it's only how Seto-

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Kaiba: *knocks Mokuba out*

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Bakura: Child abuse!!

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Kaiba: He had it coming to him.

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Bakura: I cannot support such horrid actions and-

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Ryou: Shut up, or I'll horrid actions you to shit!

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Bakura: You're heartless.

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Jounouchi: Man, now I've gotta wait until he wakes up before I can find out the truth about Kaiba.

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Kaiba: Even if you do, you won't be alive long enough to tell a soul.

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Mai: Gee, I hope that Anzu and Yugi are doing better than this.

Back to Anzu and Yugi...


	4. Koolaiding

Finally, after an awful long time, I present the next installment of Yugispit!!!

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Yugi: Oh good! We've almost acquired enough spit to uphold my hair!

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Anzu: Well that's good. I'm starting to feel a bit sick from after seeing all those guys hawk loogies bigger than Wisconsin.

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Yugi: I guess we can pack up and go on home now. I'm dying to start styling a new masterpiece!

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Malik: Not so fast Yugi Mouto!

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Anzu: Oh no! It's Malik!

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Yugi: Malik, could you please, PLEASE spit in this bowl?!

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Malik: Huh? Oh, sure. *hawks a wad* Ah, that feels better. Okay, now back to what I was saying *evily* Yugi, I now will kill you and become the pharoh!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Yugi: Sorry, can't. My Yami's out shopping and I need to get home and fix my hair.

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Malik: Oh...

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Yugi: You can come with, if you like.

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Malik: Okay.

At the mall

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Yami: There is now one store that we must see, for I am perplexed by it.

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Mai: Which one would that be?

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Yami: That one *points to adult video store* I do not understand the meaning of the many unclothed women standing in such irregular positions. Is it some strange foreign art, or a sign which fate has predestined me to stumble upon?

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Jounouchi: Well, if it's a porn store you wanna go to, then a porn store it is!

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Honda: Nothing less for our good friend!

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Kaiba: *sees random bum sitting on his postierre* Hey you, take care of my lil bro for me.

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Bum: Uh, yah, sure man.

****

Mokuba: But big brother, I wanna go too!

****

Kaiba: Not a chance. Have fun with your new pot smokin friend!

****

Mokuba: *watching them walk off* Big brother!!! Oh... this isn't fair.

****

Bum: Hey, kid, you wanna get high?

****

Mokuba: Huh?

****

Bum: C'mon kid! It's the shizznick!

****

Mokuba: Oh, okay!

In the adult book store

****

Yami: Such mystic works of art, such wonders which unto me were so long left unknown. 

****

Jounouchi: *looking at porn* Oh yeah, that's the stuff.

****

Kaiba: Ah man, I knew I should have brought a larger pair of pants with me. Oof!

****

Honda: Oh! A naughty flip book!

****

Bakura: This place is bad, guys, BAD!!! *starts for the exit*

****

Ryou: Oh no you don't! *grabs him* I'll have you reciting every pornn star's name and favorite position backwards when I'm done with you!

****

Bakura: NNOOOO!!!!

****

Honda: *mysticy* Give in Bakura!

****

Jounouchi: *also mysticy* You're not strong enough to hold against the powers of horniness.

****

Kaiba: *even mysticyer* Join us!

****

Yami: *trying to be mysticy but just isn't mystic* Uh, yah, it's ccccoooooolllll... and stttuuuuuuuffffff...

****

Ryou: Dang it Yami, you killed it!

****

Yami: Nuh uh, it's still alive!

****

Kaiba: No, no it's not.

****

Yami: *hangs head in shame* Oh...

****

Jounouchi: Ah crap.

****

Honda: What is it, my perverted compadre?

****

Jounouchi: Bakura's gone.

****

Kaiba: *points at Yami* This is all your fault!

****

Yami: The heart of the cards say you are wrong!

****

Kaiba: So, my ego says I'm right!

****

Yami: Let's settle this once and for all. *takes out deck*

****

Kaiba: Oh, but you see, you're at a disadvantage!

****

Yami: How so?

****

Kaiba: The author doesn't know jack about the card game, resulting in having us settle our ways in hand to hand combat instead.

****

Yami: *beginning to stare up at Kaiba who's about three times taller* ... oh poop.

****

Jounouchi: *watching Yami get beat to a bloody pulp* ... It's some nice weather we're having, isn't it?

****

Honda: Yes, quite lovely. 

Meanwhile...

****

Mokuba: *totally stoned* -and then, I went up to the guy and said, 'dude, that's, like, my post it,' and he's like 'Naahhh,' and I'm like 'Yah man.'

****

Bum: Duuude!! Try one of these here brownies, my recipe! *gives Mokuba obviously drug infested bownie*

****

Mokuba: Thanks man, you're the shizz! *begins to eat brownie*

****

Kaiba: *walking out of store* Mokuba, we're leaving.

****

Mokuba: DDUuuuUUUudddDDDDee!!! There's like red stuff on yer shirt thing.

****

Kaiba: Yes, there is much... er... 'koolaid' on my trenchcoat.

****

Yami: *whining* Tell the truth! Loss of koolaid doesn't make you hurt!!!

****

Kaiba: It's not for little children's ears. Come Mokuba.

****

Mokuba: Dude, you're hhhhooooootttt!!!! *smacks Kaiba's bum*

****

Kaiba: MOKUBA! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT INSCETIAL BEHAVIOR?!

****

Mokuba: I dduuunnnnnnnooooo.

****

Kaiba: *whispering* Never infront of the guys!

****

Mokuba: You're dddiiiirrrrtttyyy!!!!!

****

Ryou: Sitting here while watching Kaiba walk into a porn shop, and he's figuring that out now?

****

Bakura: It's so tragic. Mokuba living in an illusionary dream, only to be awakened into the dark darkness of reality. *wipes tear*

****

Ryou: Shut up, you friggin ham!

****

Honda: Guys, Yami ain't lookin too good.

****

Jounouchi: Yah, he finally fainted after to much bloo- *looks at Mokuba* er... 'koolaid' loss.

****

Kaiba: Fine, we'll just take him back to his house, and get his wounds treated.

At the house...

****

Anzu: Okay, Malik, truth or dare.

****

Malik: Truth.

****

Anzu: Where do you *giggle giggle* shop?

****

Malik: ... you've got to be joking. That's the stupidest question you could possibly ask, along side the previous 'do you like teddy bears?' interrogation.

****

Anzu: Just answer the question!

****

Malik: Ambercrombie and Fitch. Now then, truth or dare?

****

Anzu: Oh, *giggle giggle* gee diddly, *giggle* dare!

****

Malik: Okay, I dare you to strip down, do a pole dance, and get down and dirty all over Yugi.

****

Anzu: *gasp* I never dared you to anything that bad!

****

Malik: ... you dared me to wave. TO WAVE!!! WHAT KIND OF IGNORAMOUS ARE YOU??!!!

****

Anzu: Waving is mighty hard to do, I'll have you know!

****

Yugi: *from other room* Finally! My masterpiece is complete!

****

Anzu: Yugi, come out and let me see!

****

Yugi: Okay! *comes out* Doesn't it look cool?

****

Anzu: Oh my, it's dreamy!

****

Malik: Holy crap! It looks like Harry Potter!

****

Yugi: That's because I shaped it just like his face! Isn't it neeto?

****

Malik: Why Harry Potter?!

****

Yugi: Cuz he's cool!

****

Kaiba: *walks in* Hey, you're counter part is on his death bed and WHOA!!! *looks at hair* Harry Potter?!

****

Jounouchi: Dude, that thing's awesome!

****

Honda: I'm gonna grow out my hair and do that too!

****

Ryou: That's... just... WRONG!!!! Why would you put such an abomination on your head?!

****

Bakura: Hey, Harry Potter's my hero!

****

Ryou: No, you're hero is Charles Manson; that or Hitler. Take your pick.

****

Bakura: But they're evil!

****

Ryou: Yes, I know. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

****

Bakura: Oh... Hitler will do just fine.

****

Mokuba: DDDUUUUUDDDDEEEE there's like a blonde guy, a brunette chick, and a blonde guy with a guy on his head.

****

Yami: Ugh...

****

Jounouchi: Oh yah, forgot about you. *plops him on couch*

****

Yugi: Oh no, Yami! He's bloody!

****

Mokuba: There's blood?

****

Kaiba: NO THERE ISN'T!!! NOW GO RUN ALONG AND REMAIN INNOCENT MOKUBA!!!

****

Mokuba: Oookkkkaaaayyy.... *looks at Malik* Dude, you're lookin fine.

****

Malik: I know. *starts looking in his pocket mirror* Now who's a hotty camolottie? You are! Yes, you are!

****

Yugi: Kaiba, how can you ignore the fact that Yami is bleeding?

****

Kaiba: KOOLAIDING!!! HE'S KOOLAIDING!!!

****

Mokuba: I'm outtie. *leaves*

****

Kaiba: Oh good. 

****

Anzu: You're probably gonna want to hook him up to an IV and get blood donations in order to help him live.

****

Yugi: But where will we be able to get enough blood in time?!

****

Ryou: We don't got jack, so why not use a supplement, like Kaiba's precious koolaid?

****

Kaiba: That might work!

****

Yugi: How do you figure?

****

Kaiba: Cuz they're both red!

****

Yugi: That's genious!

****

Bakura: To the cellar guys!

Everybody then ran down to the cellar, bringing up many koolaid pouches. They then began to feed Yami the koolaid through the IV.

****

Malik: Now I just need to wait for Yami to revive so that I may kill him.

****

Ryou: While we're waiting for that, why not entertain oursleves? *waggles the eyebrows*

****

Malik: Other room?

****

Ryou: Yiss yiss.

Malik and Ryou scamper off to the next room.

Hope you enjoyed and I'll try to get the next one up faster.


	5. Truth or Dare Crap

Yes, finally got this chapter up. Took me long enough. Oh well, hope you like!

Kaiba: Do we dare find out?

****

Bakura: In truth, I don't want to know.

****

Yami: Urggh.... uh? Wh-what happened?

****

Jounouchi: Kaiba kicked your butt and practically hospitalized you, but you're okay now cuz we've been pumping you full of koolaid.

****

Yugi: Are you okay Yami?

****

Yami: I'm fin- AH!!! Why is there a head growing out of your head?!

****

Yugi: Do you like it? It's my newest hairdo, Harry Potter style!

****

Yami: No way. There's no way I'm going to live in a body with that thing for hair!

****

Yugi: Fine, be that way. I think it looks pretty.

****

Honda: What're Ryou and Malik doing?

****

Yami: Ungodly things, one can be sure.

****

Anzu: You know Yugi, I think we should follow up on their example and do as the Yamis do.

****

Ryou: *from other room* YES!!!

****

Yugi: I'm scared.

****

Malik: *runs out* We have finally done it! 

****

Kaiba: Yah... we figured as much.

****

Ryou: Wait, you knew of our divine plan?!

****

Jounouchi: We kinda figured it out after your hasty exit.

****

Malik: Darn, now we'll have to start on a whole new idea...

****

Ryou: Oh, and the drawings I conjured up for the soul snatching device were so pretty too.

****

Yami: Wait, you were just figuring out how to steal people's souls and use them to your own malicious desires?

****

Malik & Ryou: Yah.

****

Everybody else: *sigh of relief*

****

Malik: ... what did you think we were doing?

****

Honda: That isn't important. I just want to know, though... what happened to Mai?

****

Kaiba: She's joined the forgotten characters.

****

Bakura: Her role in the fic wasn't important, other than getting us to the mall. 

****

Honda: Gee, that sucks.

****

Anzu: Hey guys! Let's play a round of truth or dare!

****

Malik: No. You suck at that game!

****

Anzu: Oh what would you know?

****

Yugi: I think that that's a splendid idea!

****

Bakura: Fine, but there's one rule! None of the dares can have naughtiness flowing about them, like hand holding and other such dirty things.

****

Ryou: Basically, there are no rules cuz my hikari's rule sucks.

****

Bakura: Why are you so mean to me?

****

Ryou: Because you're a friggin teletubbie.

****

Bakura: That's not very nice.

****

Yami: Shut up so we can get this over with.

****

Kaiba: What's got your boxers in a bunch?

****

Yami: I'm sure you'd feel the same way if you were hooked up to an IV of fruit punch.

****

Kaiba: Hey, that's the best fruit punch on the market, so stop complaining.

****

Ryou: If it was in Mouto's cellar, then I'd beg to differ.

****

Kaiba: Yes, but he doesn't need to know that, now does he?

****

Yami: I can hear you, ya know.

****

Kaiba: As you said, let' just start the game.

****

Anzu: Me first! Yugi, truth or dare!

****

Yugi: Truth!

****

Anzu: Alright, this one's a toughie! Do you like... bacon?

****

Yugi: *blush blush* Yes... yes I do....

****

Malik: You guys are so pathetic.

****

Yugi: Since you're being mean, I'm not calling on you. Jounouchi, truth or dare

****

Jounouchi: Truth.

****

Yugi: Do you think my hair looks okay?

****

Jounouchi: Personally, I think it looks tight.

****

Yugi: Why thank you!

****

Jounouchi: Honda, you're pick.

****

Honda: Truth.

****

Jounouchi: *grins maliciously* Are you hot?

****

Honda: I hate you.

****

Jounouchi: Answer the question Honda.

****

Honda: *sigh* no.

****

Jounouchi: Good boy!

****

Honda: OK, Kaiba, truth or dare?

****

Kaiba: I do believe it's about time to shatter the ring of truth. Dare!

****

Honda: I dare you to frisk Bakura!

****

Bakura: NNNOOOOO!!!

The next scene has been deleted, due to inappropriate images. In the meantime, please imagine a field full of wildflowers with pretty pink ponies romping across. Yes, many lovely butterflies scatter about, landing on dandilions, folding their wings gently. The dust from their wings catches the light breeze and begins to sweep across the field. Now, after experiencing such peaceful bliss, you will now be sent back to the chaotic fic. Go in peace my child.

****

Bakura: That was the worst experience of my life.

****

Kaiba: I feel so dirty.

****

Bakura: You feel dirty?!

****

Kaiba: Just go.

****

Bakura: Fine. Ummm.... Yami, truth or dare.

****

Yami: I don't feel up to a dare today. Truth.

****

Bakura: Do you like pretty pink ponies?

****

Yami: No, I hate pretty pink ponies.

****

Yugi: *pouting* I like pretty pink ponies.

****

Ryou: Yah, I do to... on my plate, that is.

****

Yami: Oh yah, fried horse. I forgot about that recipe. Nevermind, I do like pretty pink ponies, deep fried in bread crumbs.

****

Yugi: *cries* Poor pony!!!

****

Yami: Ryou, my pony eating friend, pick one.

****

Ryou: I'm not your friend, and I choose truth.

****

Yami: I'm feeling kind, so I'll ask the one question that all fangirls are dying to know. Boxers or briefs?

****

Ryou: To all the ladies out there, commando.

****

Honda: hey, why is it that in any dirty fic you read, none of the characters ever seem to wear underwear?

****

Ryou: Some things are just easier left neglected.

****

Honda: Oh, okay, continue.

****

Ryou: Okay, Malik, go.

****

Malik: Let's go dare.

****

Ryou: I dare you to get hot and heavy with Kaiba.

****

Malik: Kaiba, I'm coming for you!

You are on a beach. The clear blue water comes swooshing onto the coast line, back and forth. Sea gulls caw above you, flying off over the horizon. The smell of the salty water fills your nostrils and you look out, seeing a small sail boat drifting aimlessy out yonder. Your feet sink lightly into the warm sand, and a soft breeze plays across your face, cool and moist. The shade of the palm trees behind you is comforting as you take in all of the natural beauty all around you. You will be taken from this happy place once more, and sent back to the now getting very perverted fic. Well, GO ALREADY!!! SHOOH!!

****

Kaiba: I feel very VERY dirty now.

****

Malik: Well, it's worth it when you get the chance to put on a show for the crowd.

****

Ryou: Yes! Let the perversion corrupt your souls and make them weak for the taking!

****

Yami: That was incredible!

****

Bakura: BAD BAD BAD BAD BBBAAAADDDDD!!!! *hiding eyes in hands*

****

Yugi: Yami, it isn't very comforting to know that you were actually taken with that disgusting display.

****

Yami: But I've never seen a couple play such a good game of twister.

****

Anzu: Twister is the dirty people's game!

****

Jounouchi: I feel sorry for the perverted fic readers.

****

Honda: Yah, no doubt they were thinking something else.

****

Malik: Does it have anything to do with the scampering to the other room ad you all being freaked out?

****

Kaiba: Yah.

****

Ryou: But what could have been decided as wrong with two guys getting up quickly with obnoxiously happy looks as they scamper off to another room?

****

Yugi: Please think about your sentence for a little, and then, if you still don't get it, then ask.

****

Bakura: No! Don't think DON'T THINK!!! NO MORE NASTINESS!! FIRST THE FRISK,THEN THE TWISTER GAME, AND NOW A RECAP ON MORE NASTINESS!!! NO MORE NO MORE!!

****

Ryou: You're so chastley obnoxious.

****

Malik: Dude, freak him out!

****

Ryou: I think i just will. *kisses Bakura on cheek*

****

Everybody else: *gasp*

****

Bakura: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! I'VE BEEN TAINTED!!! OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!!! DISGUSTINGNESS IS SINKING IN... CAN'T BREATH!!! AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

****

Malik: I didn't mean something like that! Oh my, I won't be able to sleep for months now.

****

Ryou: All of a sudden, everybody in this fic has gotten prudish. Last time I checked, a frisk was a bit more risgay than a kiss on the cheek.

****

Yami: Yah, but it makes the story cheesier that way.

****

Ryou: Ah. 

****

Jounouchi: I don't like this game, can we play something else?

****

Yami: ACK!!! *starts hyperventlating*

****

Kaiba: What's wrong with you?

****

Bakura: I think that maybe the koolaid is starting to have an effect on his body.

****

Kaiba: How many pouches have we shot him full of?

****

Bakura: Only a gallon and half worth. I think we need to use a different product.

****

Kaiba: But what else is there that we have that's red?

****

Yugi: Hey, my grandpa had also once invested in a bunch of ketchup so we'd never have to worry about starving if the government ever stopped making newspapers.

****

Anzu: Bring it quick! We need to keep him alive!

****

Yami: Sugar overflow AAGGHH!!!

****

Malik: Here ya go. *hooks Yami up to jug of ketchup* That should sustain him for a while.

****

Yami: It's so thick... ugh.

****

Ryou: When do you think we can take him off the IV?

****

Kaiba: I dunno. Let's see how he's feeling after this jug.

****

Bakura: I'm bored.

****

Yugi: I know! Let's go treasure hunting!

****

Ryou: What are you, four?!

****

Yugi: .....

****

Anzu: I think Yugi had a good idea.

****

Bakura: Me too!

****

Yugi: *happy* I'm glad somebody agrees with me.

****

Malik: Why don't you guys go on your stupid treasure hunt while the rest of us MEN do something productive!

****

Jounouchi: Like pick our butts!

****

Honda: Yah!

****

Kaiba: No.

****

Yugi: Fine, we'll go treasure hunting, ad you guys go do what you want.

****

Honda: Yah, then we can pick our butts freely and without oppression.

****

Ryou: You go do that.

****

Kaiba: I think I'm just gonna go get something to eat.

****

Ryou: Make me something too, or else you will experience much pain in life.

****

Kaiba: Okay, I think I'll make... a sandwhich!

****

Malik: A rich kid who can make his own sandwhich... now that's impressive.

****

Kaiba: I think I'll put tuna and pickles and chocolate and jam and peanut butter! *scampers off to the kitchen*

****

Ryou: ... suddenly I just lost my appetite.

That's all for now. I will put up more… sooner or later…


End file.
